Intoducing: The Digital Love Series

*Love today’s gone digital, and it’s messing with my health*

“That’s me right there bro.” I said, “that’s you who?” he asked, so I picked up phone and hit rewind on J.Cole’s Photograph, back to the part I wanted UG - my best friend to hear.

It rang out the speakers of the bluetooth duwise again, as fresh as the first. “I won’t show my niggas now, I’ll keep this one for myself, LOVE TODAY’s GONE DIGITAL AND ITS MESSING WITH MY HEALTH”.

UG caught the drift and smiled, like a pity-smile, “you and Mami abi?”. I replied “yes” with a feigned smile. Life is really funny and cruel for how She makes me - Jude, the central character of all her dry jokes. 

I like beautiful girls, I can’t really have a thing for you if you are not beautiful like fine fine, coz I’m a fine ass man too, buh the thing with beautiful girls is, they are hard to get and harder to keep. Nemi was just that. Perfectly crafted face, beautiful dark skin, she was tall and had the prettiest smile, perfect lips that tasted like perfection, if perfection had a taste. The only thing I found odd about her face was the way her nose was shaped. I told this inside joke, about how I’ll apologize to my kids for not being able to find them a mom that would compliment my nose and save them from considering a nose job in future. Well that will probably not be the case now. 

All through my days at Nnamdi Azikiwe University I didn’t bag a girlfriend, hell, I’ve never had one. Nobody ever believes this, and I understand why. I’m good looking, I’m not shy, I know my way around women, I’m good with words plus I’m a girlfriend snatcher. Buh I have never been able to bring myself to having a serious romantic relationship, maybe because I like pretty girls so much.

Or maybe it’s because, the girls I like don’t like me back, or the ones that like me, I don’t like right back. May it’s the hardest thing to find a perfect thing, and the perfect thing is the one thing I keep searching.

Unizik had the prettiest of girls, check @yolandambonu. 

First year at Uni, everybody was getting girlfriends like it was nothing, during those first months of our 100level the relationship transfer market was really busy fa. Buh I, Jude was busy being picky, gosh 🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️ I tire for myself. 

I remember this babe who was supposed to be my first girlfriend, what was her name again ooo, okay let’s call her Sharon. It was my first day in school, I was trying to find my way around after I left the crowded Admin Block where I was supposed to undergo my physical clearance. She was trying to locate the MPH that was right in front of her. She stopped to ask me a few questions and discovered we were both one in the same,  lost in this big place, admitted into different departments in the same faculty. I asked for her number, she gave me and a smile too, I called her once, then twice, no sparks, so I didn’t call her again. We kept bumping into each other tho, her face will remind me to call her once-once, sometimes when we jam, she’ll smile and tell her new friends “meet my first friend in Unizik”, one time she asked if she could visit, I said yes, buh typical Jude na, she was not my type, I concluded so I never popped the question, deliberately dodged her and she just let her slip through muy fingers. 

I still don’t regret sha, it because she never became my type, unlike Lilian. The same department, one year apart, I was her senior, she was all over me one minute, not my type one minute and the next thing, she became fine as hell and started to snub me like a plague while I was busy trying to impress her by delivering suya and shawarma to girls hostel. It didn’t work sha, buh it covered for all the times she paid for my drinks at Chuckies, so I guess we’re even. 

Well she’s light skinned so, she’s still not my type, no regrets.🤧

In the midst of all these girls wanting me - Abigail, a  dark skinned beauty, we hooked up regularly buh we never dated... what’s even my excuse there? Can I find any?

 Okay, maybe digital love it is, and its simple frugality is good and bad for me, but I love it the best. I’m a fairytale lover, a hapless romantic, I’m an Internet junky and I love my space - not that old crappy social network.

A typical girlfriend will always want to be there, physically, in your space. They don’t bring so much to the table either, because we get all the body contact and count with committed romantic relationships, so what’s to give my freedom away for?

To this effect, I have love and lost and experienced everything you have, in romantics, all on this virtual space. 

My digital relationships are messy and fun, crazy and bad for my health - you are about to hear all about it in the next few series.

Chuks .Chinyere

Oct. 2019

Ramblings of a Nigerian Writer

Life as Writer is hard, life as a Nigerian is harder, life as a Nigerian Writer is just... “smh. This type of living can be likened to the Life of a Nigerian-Arsenal fan -supporting the Nigerian National team and ARSENAL FC- a life riddled with heartbreaks, endless challenges, unfinished business, near-disappointments and a bleak vision of your future, well until rude boy Raul Sannheli came into the picture. 

Now be imaginative and visualize what life as a Nigerian Writer who doubles as an Arsenal fan might be like... shish my life sucks.

Patrick Chidolue Confronts Ohaneze on Social Injustice

In an interactive session with the new leadership of Ohanaeze Ndi Igbo led by the newly elected President-General Ohanaeze Ndi Igbo, Chief John Nnia Nwodo, a former minister of Information and culture, Igbo leaders of thoughts in Abuja canvassed for the way forward for the Igbo nation.
Chief Patrick Chidolue, Chairman Chelsea group emphasised the need to uphold an ethical stance in our dealings and relation with other Nigerians as a crucial ingredient that will protect not just the interest of Ndi Igbo but that of all Nigerians.
According to Chief Chidolue government should be for the wellbeing and should be concerned with all irrespective of the ethnic group and should focus on creating enabling environment for the people. He described the newly elected President General as a civilised politician, a lawyer, organised and noble in all ramifications.
The newly elected President General while acknowledging the warm reception by the Ohanaeze Ndi Igbo Abuja branch thanked them for the support so far and stressed that unity of the Igbo nation is indispensable to the development of the Nigerian state.
The meeting which took in place at Chelsea Hotel Wuse 2 had in attendance various Igbo leaders of thoughts from Abuja and neighbouring states, showcased traditional Igbo regalia adorned by invited guests while traditional Igbo music and dancers encompassed the environment.

The Possible "Trump effect" on Africa.

Many "solid" Presidential candidates, during their campaign, try to make only a hand full of achievable campaign promises, so as not to disappoint their voters when they eventually win. But Trump, being the American version of President Buhari, made as much 76 campaign promises, some of which are so unrealistic that he is starting to go back on a few of them, even before Jan 20, 2017.

Donald Trump, in an interview with Wall Street Journal, said that he will  to keep some aspects of Obama Care as he now thinks it beneficial and he like them, also because of President Obama reached out to him and talked to him about the advantages of Obama Care, so out of respect for the President he is going to give good thought to keeping it running.

This is his now stance on the health care initiative called Obamacare, against his initial campaign outbursts on how he will nullify the disaster called Obamacare and replace it with "something terrific".

Billionaire business man/Reality TV show host/ President-elect Donald Trump is not only going to affect the United States and Mexico with his polices. The "Trump effect" is also going to fizzle downwards to Africa, with Nigeria at the epicenter.

DONALD TRIUMPH!!!

                   

One of the lessons to be learned from this Trump episode is, “nobody can stop you until you stop”. Unlike many Nigerians Donald Trump has being on my radar since as far back as 2010, for the wrong reasons of course. I first came across the Trump “personality” when I managed to read just two chapters of his self acclaimed bestselling book “Think Big, Kick Ass”. His diction, his tone and puff in those first two chapters steered up a dust of discord between me his personality. A dust that has lasted till date and is not likely to settle anytime soon. However a good lesson to been learned is a good lesson to be learned, not withstanding its source.

HOW IT FEELS TO BE ONE YEAR, SIX MONTH AND SIX HOURS AHEAD OF AMERICANS.

    

It sure doesn't feel awesome to see your younger siblings make the same mistake you made when you were their age. But having your elder brother make the same mistake you made over a year ago is a new experience that has to come with its own feeling.

The United States of America is a big brother to Nigeria in more ways than not. We look up to almost everything American even our O.A.Ps try their hardest to sound American. American politicians, especially their Presidents are like the exemplary kids our Nigerian parents try to beat us into anytime we act loutishly and undisciplined. However with the emergence of a loutish and undisciplined President to the White House, who will we Nigerians now use as a yardstick to compare our equally undisciplined politicians to.

Eagle Schnapps brings you the tradition & history of Ojude Oba in Ijebu land

The Ijebu people are in the south central of Yoruba land. Contrary to some  people’s belief,  the Ijebus  are not  only found in Ogun state but also in parts of Lagos like Epe , Ejinrin & Ikorodu .They are known for their entrepreneurship and business acumen a fact which is insightful considering the Ijebus can be found in many parts of the world doing business and making money .

Asides from their business acumen, the Ijebus are very sociable people .Like the proverbial character, Jack, they work hard and celebrate well and are known to throw memorable parties. The Regberegbes which are the classes of age grades in Ijebu land are an instrument of social cohesion and mobilization. These Regberegbes form a great part of the story of Ojude Oba.