Life as Writer is hard, life as a Nigerian is harder, life as a Nigerian Writer is just... “smh. This type of living can be likened to the Life of a Nigerian-Arsenal fan -supporting the Nigerian National team and ARSENAL FC- a life riddled with heartbreaks, endless challenges, unfinished business, near-disappointments and a bleak vision of your future, well until rude boy Raul Sannheli came into the picture.
Now be imaginative and visualize what life as a Nigerian Writer who doubles as an Arsenal fan might be like... shish my life sucks.
My life sucks so bad I don’t know what to write about, too many things happening around me at the same time, I might just write about how some young man who just finished his Youth Service was gunned down by rival gang shooters in my neighborhood. But that will be too tragic to read, probably not more tragic than the fact that, most of my childhood friends are now riding in clean fairly used cars and bouncing my calls because I decided to take the moralistic way to the end of the tunnel, which by the way, is looking pitch black from my P.O.V. I blame my parents for training me in the way of the Lord.
Well, there’s some good news, seems like Zaha will retire a Crystal Palace player, as Nicholas Pepe is undergoing medicals for Arsenal as I type this out. Zidane, in the spirit of offloading unwanted baggage, decided to show AFC some mercy and threw average Ceballos our way, on a loan deal with options to buy. Arsenal fans all over the world are just ecstatic with the news that Umtiti might just be playing CB along side Sokratis, in two weeks time when the EPL finally kicks off.
Crystal Palace on the other hand must think we have money to waste like this Buhari Government sha. Even if Arsenal Football club had an excess crude account to pull out one billion dollars from, without prior confirmation with the National Assembly, we still won’t spend between $400m-$800m for some tucano fighter jet, slated to arrive the shores of Nigeria in 20kokoro bush when all the terrorist groups including uncle Miyetti would have concluded “Berlin Conference 1884” on the map of Nigeria. Oops, I meant, even if Arsenal had so much more than a £245m transfer budget, we won’t pay that as much as £80m to sign Zaha, when he’s not Cristiano Ronaldo, his finishing sef is poor, did Redknapp even watch the AFCON, gosh!!!
See eh, too many things are happening in this country at the same and I don’t like it, too many unfinished articles sitting ugly in my note app on my phone, just when you start writing about event A, event B is brewing... but wait oo, I thought we were done and moved on from this COZA bukkata?
How did the Dakolos forget that, you have to actually file a case in a competent Court of Law if justice and not character deformation, is actually what you seek in regards to any matter, or has a part of our constitution given credibility to Social Media court of law? Balance me real quick, I’m trying too hard to keep up with the changing dynamics of out polity.
Just like how I can’t understand how you can interview someone for a job when you have no single idea of their job portfolio. I mean, these Buhari boys, Abba Kyari and co and near geniuses. They keep reinventing this Governance thing, dishing is new styles of getting things done, hot hot, I stan. Or has sending a ministerial nominees to the National Assembly for scrutiny, without their portfolios before sending them for checks with the DSS, always been the normal? I can assure you I always paid attention in Government class, but Mr Olaoye can be boring sometimes, maybe he mentioned something I didn’t grasp, one of those times I dozed off.
I like mysteries, I love how weirdly mysterious it is that Nigerians somehow managed to get disappointed with the names on “Buhari’s ministerial list”, the fact that some Nigerians still hold this government in some sort of high regard by expecting high from it is just laughable, hasn’t Buhari dropped the bar low enough for to expect the very worst? I mean, I was excited about the list fa, I checked and re-checked again and again, just to be sure I didn’t purposely miss Dalug’s name out of sheer hatred. The fact that names like Dalug and Shittu Adeboye, missed their way to that list is enough for me to naked baff.
Dear Nigerians that stay expecting something from this Buhari Government, I hope you like the taste of disappointment, you don’t even have to like it, you should be used to it by now. You see this deal Buhari and his gang of Robin Hoods signed with Siemens on the Nigeria Electrification Roadmap, with a promise to give us uninterrupted power supply in less than two years, if you like start from now to countdown to when you’ll not have to buy fuel for your generator again, I pity the type of depression that will hit you, broda shaggi style. The energy you expunge in staying expectant of the Buhari Government to receive sense and do the right thing, channel such energy to mourning our lost ones. Only two things are sure about this Buhari administration, mourning and morning.
As you read this, various families are mourning all over Nigeria, killer heardsmen are mourning their cows, Boko Haram is mourning a number of it’s a suicide bombers while President Buhari mourns dead Shiite members killed by his police during a protest march which wouldn’t have happened if a certain Mr Integrity stayed true to his word and obeyed court order like he promised he would, under the directive of the constitution he took an oath by. As one family lost a “future hope” in the person of Precious Owolabi, the corper attached to Channels TV, who died in active service of his father land who didn’t deserve him. Where he was trying to cover the news of an unfortunate happening, he became the unfortunate news of an unfortunate happening, so unfortunate. Another family lost their hope for the future as their likely bread winner died - the Deputy Commissioner of Police - trying to secure bread for his household in active duty to a dying country.
My Life sucks, my country sucks harder but we are yet to suck as hard as South Africa or is it Kenya where Jesus had to pay a visit in person last Sunday, obviously to help them wash their sins and cleanse their land all over again as his blood from 2000 years ago, was not doing the job well enough, who am I not to stan.
At least, out case is not as bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment