FROM: IFEMELU's (CHIMAMANDA) *The Small Redemtions of Lagos.

From THISDAY, September 17 2014:
“Rivers State Governor, Hon. Chibuike Amaechi, has dismissed the comments by the state former Commissioner of Police, Mr. Joseph Mbu, who while apparently referring to Amaechi, described himself as a lion who tamed the governor in Port Harcourt.
‘How can a man who has no strength of character to be himself, to be a man and stand up to a woman, a man who willingly submits himself to serve as the puppet of a woman call himself a lion? How ironic! Mbu, no lion behaves like that! You are a disgrace and shame to the Nigerian Police Force.’”
This is like two little boys fighting in the playground. It is beyond juvenile. We all know the Governor is referring here to Aunty Patience. But maybe the lion-like way of accusing another of not being a lion is to eschew forthrightness, otherwise known as ikpo okwu afa.
Best solution is don’t fight in the playground. But if you must fight: Governor, please try and insult Police Commissioner without showing this kind of ugly misogyny.
Would it have been better if Police Commissioner had ‘served as the puppet of a man?’ We hope not. Even though you seem to be suggesting that.
The point should be that he ‘served as a puppet.’ It should be irrelevant whether or not he served as the puppet of a man or a woman.
Here is some news: women are in fact as fully human as men. Oh and you are men, not lions.

FROM: IFEMELU's (CHIMAMANDA) *The Small Redemtions of Lagos.

In May, we heard about the soldiers in Borno who shot at a car carrying their commanding officer. The commanding officer was not hurt. The soldiers were angry. Apparently because their (poorly-armed?) colleagues had been ambushed and killed on a road known to be Boko Haram territory.
But it was probably about much more than that single incident.
Their anger must have come from a sense of helplessness, of being poorly-led.
We often hear about soldiers not being paid their allowances, not being fed well, not having the arms and equipment they need, while fighting a guerilla war for which they are physically and mentally ill-equipped. And in territory that is vast and uneven, desert and forest.
Now twelve of them have been sentenced to death.
It feels wrong. It feels immoral.
Mutiny is to rebel or revolt against authority. To refuse to obey orders. It is a serious crime, but mutiny also assumes that the soldiers have been given fair orders.
If a General asks a group of soldiers to turn their guns to their chests and shoot, and they refuse, would that be considered mutiny? No, because it isn’t a fair order.
These men who have been sentenced to death represent the average Nigerian soldier who is fighting Boko Haram, dying, not being acknowledged.
It isn’t merely their orders that are unfair, their very condition of service is unfair.
They should not be killed. It achieves nothing. It will not act as a deterrent either, because if the circumstances remain the same, another group of soldiers will act from a sense of enraged helplessness. The solution is to improve soldier welfare. Give them what they need. Don’t send them to fight battles if they are not properly equipped.
The Army must do its own part, before it can demand so much of its soldiers.

Elections in the time of love.

   We are drawing closer and closer to the day of reckoning. February 14. Jonathan is my political enemy but I will give him and his INEC one thing: they chose the date wisely.
Valentine’s Day is a metaphor for the elections. After he chose this date I stopped doubting like people are now, that he indeed has a PhD. Only a man with that kind of intellect could have come up with this loaded date. Ok agreed his PhD is in the study of animals and not humans, but you have to agree that this PhD is perfect for the kind of people who surround the villa these days. Knowledge of human behavior or other sciences are useless in dealing with them. On Valentine’s Day Nigerians will express their love through the ballot for a candidate of their choice. And if Nigerians are as wise as I know they are, they will obviously choose me. Because I care.
    I see people these days asking General Buhari to produce his secondary school certificate. That indeed is what the law says. In fact I have just sent a copy of mine through DHL to INEC. I hope it reaches there safely. While I agree that Buhari should produce his certificate and stop asking the army to help him, I just want to say that asking Buhari to prove he finished secondary school is like asking a pregnant woman who already has three children that she has ever been touched by a man.
  Even as we draw closer to the season of love and elections, I am willing to say good things about Jonathan. While people around him and around Buhari keep looking for ways to undermine and discover scandals and lies about each other, I am the only candidate keeping positive. I noticed one great thing about Jonathan. In a recent speech at a rally he changed his mind about the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta. His own boys. At a time when you think Jonathan will be relying on his tribal militants, he disowned their leader in public. In 2010 he publicly denied that MEND had anything to do with the October 1 bombings in Abuja. He said that people were trying to give MEND a bad name. Criminals. But then, thanks to the South Africans, I think he saw the light. And in 2015, he realized that indeed Henry Okah of MEND was behind the bombings, which he now claims were designed especially for him. MEND wanted to assassinate him. Some people sent them but he didn’t say who. Do you know what it means, for a person in power – the leader of the most populous black nation on earth with the largest economy in Africa – to admit wrong judgment? In public? He could have let it go thinking Nigerians would have forgotten about those 2010 bombings. But he didn’t. God bless South Africa for opening his eyes. And God bless Jonathan for letting his eyes be opened. Because you can show a man truth. But you cannot force him to see it.
   I hear that a certain priest, Father Mbiaka, gave a sermon against Jonathan that went viral. Someone saw the DVD in traffic and sent it to me. I could have just watched it online for free but I think the DVD is better. In that sermon Father Mbiaka claimed that since Goodluck Jonathan assumed office all we have been experiencing was bad luck. At first I was excited, thinking maybe, that was good for my own campaigns, but then sometimes they say that when your neighbours beard is on fire you start to wet your own beard. Just in case. Today it is Jonathan. Tomorrow it may be me. I researched it and it seems like he was angry about his hustle now enabling him to reach Aso Rock and so was lashing out. It is his hustle that has bad luck. I avoid people with bad luck. It is contagious.
   Speaking of love I heard that a daughter of President Jonathan recently got married. I was quite upset. He may be my political opponent but for now he is my president. He cannot be springing surprises like that. This is like being in a relationship with someone for five years, thinking you knew everything about them and then suddenly hearing that they have a grown up daughter about to get married. As part of transparency and accountability, Nigerians deserve to have a comprehensive list of all his children, especially the ones of marriageable age. Nigerians deserve a level playing field when it comes to loving his children. I am still single. Nothing stops him from sending me a text to ask if I am interested. That we are opponents doesn’t mean we can’t fall in love with each others relatives.
Dear Jonathan, if you are listening, kindly be mature and produce a list of you adult children. It is the least you can do. God bless.

 Written by Elnathan John ecceneljo@yahoo.com (daily trust)

Why Should iEven vote for Buhari.

 Each time, ihear my self saying, *iSwear iGo vote Buhari for this election* especially when something bad happens to me, like the other day one stupid keke driver *wey God go soon punish* splashed mud water on my chinos trouser (thank god it wasn't white). iFind my self reacting to every pot hole, electricity abnormally, or any bad news as a problem the present and past administrations in the Nigerian presidency had failed to fix. One time somebody wrote something like *we blame Jonathan for erry thing that happens to us, even for the hole in our pants*. Buh then again why shouldn't we? Buhari, as a military president or *what ever he was* had two years, before he was ousted, so he can be excused for doing little or nothing. *hope u don't think so too* Let's jus say we are liberal enough to excuse him. A liberal mind that GEJ doesn't posses, iHeard him accusing GMB of doing absolutely nothing in his two years of ruling Nigeria, as if calling a pot like himself black, wasn't ridiculous enough,he further went ahead to make his point by quoting the speech IBB gave after the coup, justify overthrowing GBM the illegal but legal military way, something that sounds like, *u failed nigeria by not giving them what you promised them after ousting a democratically civilian government" hmmm sounds to me like GEJ and his campaign team are the only people naïve enough to believe that Army Generals don't start preping for the next coup immediately after the last, and taking that the newly coup-successful Genrals say on TV after ousting one of their own, with a *take it to the bank kind of assurance* is just mere stupidity... Okay back to business. However, GEJ on the other hand, has had six6, six good/verryverrry bad years., and he wants more... Okay let's look at the bigger picture if we gee him more , that will be 10 abi? However some will say six years is too small to effect real change in a big country like Niaja, how about 16sixteen years? (Had a little problem believing that 1999 was sixteen years ago,lemme count again, dis time with my fingers to be sure*after counting*...okay am sure) SIXTEEN fucking years under PDP!!!! E neva doooo? E neva do them to implement the one million point agenda wey dem get for Nigeria? 1999 - 2015. Do u knw that. In the year 2000, iWas in primary two, we used live in Lawancing, Surulere, with one of my aunt(before we moved to Okoko dat same year) and iused to school @Okoko, iAnd my big brother. From surulere to okoko then, would cost us just 30naira(coz we lappedy... Okay lemme come down to ur level... From mile2 to okoko then was just 10naira!!!!!!!!!! 10naira!!!!!!! Nkiti. Eh??? 10naira. Chai!!! Now, Mile2 to Okoko, can be 200naira at rush hours and 150 normal time. Hmmmm,There is God ooo.
     I'd love to say more, but if iTalk, more then I'll be supporting someone person.... Buh then again my job is to observe abi, and this is what I've observed... Nigeria is getting worse, we are moving down... Not like we hadn't any progress over the years ooo, u've had. Buh it seems to me like our country is on auto-pilot, nobody is really taking control of things and forcing or swaying things to get better... The kind of leaders we have or we've had, are not really leaders... Jus caretakers, who take glory for the good they really did not effect and disown the vice they really did nothing to prevent. Trust me, if we had no president, our economy would still be the same, probably better because we won't be paying all those pot belled politicians abi?... The president thing is more now of a psychological gap filler *that's what ithink*... Na wa ooo... But then again, y shuld iVote for Buhari... How sure am iThat he's will be different from what we have now? Words of his oral-cavity is not all that is needed to convince US of a better tomorrow, than now.. As a Lagosian, that has seen first hand the *wonderment* of BaBa-Fash(BRF) aka, Fashola, would have no problem voting for him as president, having seen what he did to igbo-elerin road in Okoko, where iStay in Lag, if he had being elected as the flag bearer of APC. Buh then again, it's not a very hard choice to choose between what has not being working for you in the last 16years, and what u think might work for u! Or is it? U knw CHANGE is hard... Maybe we need that very convincing pat on the back and a stretch of hand in the right direction to make that choice.. Don't look at me for it... am as lost as u are. Let's hope to god for guidance and please not voting or sellin ur vote is not the solution at all. CiD #Election2015. I'm Chinyere Chukwuemeka Ugochukwu

Really! How BIG is sambisa?

 Is SAMBISA forest, 234times bigger than the whole of Nigeria? It seems so oo, incase u don't knw, e don dey go one year ooo. Why havn't iHeard any presidential aspirant say somethin like, #I'llBringBackYourGirls2015, (hmmmm, who am iFooling) shabi na two aspirants we get abi? Or. Even one sef, because the other person is in power o kwa ya? So if GMB really is president material, why haven't iheard him said #I'llBringBackYourGirls2015 and make americans wish they are eligible vote for him. Furthermore why isn't anybody asking any thing again? Are tried?.... Mmmmhhhhhmmm, Me I've got questions ooo plenty of them ni ooo ... Mostly about #ChibokGirls
 (1) How many girls were they really!? (cause am getting real confused)
 (3) And if they are still alive what are they still doing there in Sambia(rewind)
 (2) How many of those girls are still alive.
 (4) But wait oooo, were they really kidnapped?(Ooops that shuld be question number zero, sorry MrPresident let's continue)
(5) Have we made a move to rescue them? If yes, why ain't we being debriefed about situation on ground like we were during the Ebola administration (incase u didn't notice, Nigerians loved that *being debriefed type of thing oo* it made us feel important we should do it some other time... Maybe now)
 (6) Will those girls ever come back? (It's not compulsory, they comeback the same(OBJ take note), let dem jus come back abeg)
 (7) What will happen to the WAEC examinations they didn't take b4 they we're whisked away on a forced excursion to Samsiba resort (longest excursion ever). Will they pass?
 (8) Will they be given civil service jobs on their return as compensation? (Just asking the obvious) iKnow that's u GEJ style.
  (9) Na wa ooo, MrPresident why u neva answer any question na?
  (10)If you know deep down that u can't #BringBackOurGirls then why can't you just vote for someone that you think could, or do u think because u couldn't do it, nobody can?
 Vote Chinyere Chukwuemeka Ugochukwu ... #I'llBringBackYourGirls2015 if if it's the only ti ti ti thing iDo... #LoveNigeria #Votewisely #VoteNotFight chinyerechukwuemekaugochukwu47. CiD.

Being sincere isn't what both GMB and GEJ are really born to be.

  At first , iThought of *Lies they've both told us* as a good title, but I'd have to do a little research to remember them all(or not), because iWasn't alive during the period Genaral Muhammadu Buhari ruled nigeria. But what iCan remember my Dad say about the regime of GMB(whenever the topic is being raised) is, *the man ruled Nigeria with an iron fist, and that's what our country needs now, because of all the corruption errywhere". Hey, hey, hey, before you start having incorrect imaginations of the type of man/nigerian my dad is, lemme tell you that my dad is not the type of self righteous, uptight *am not giving that man any bribe* type of Nigerian man u read about of a character in any Chimamanda's novel. My Dad? He a correct Naija man, willing to gee any police man as much bribe as he can, to get his right/white lie, to where ever he wants it to get to, be it Alagbon or Panti. The system is spoilt and he's swayed with, it like many nigeriansm

 So taking what my Dad said about GBM being the iron fisted man for the job, knowing fully well that he(my Dad) was (or still is) a bit sympathetic to the GEJ cause, raises a few indifferent feelings in my stomach.

  Not too long ago, beautiful comments and statements unworthy of senior elder states men like GEJ and GMB were flying around, with credits to them. And it hurts me that one person can actually have the guts to accuse the other fellow of lying, something they both do without looking back. Just four years ago, when GEJ and GBM were at each other's throats (less tighter than now though) during campaigns. They both made different promises to Nigerians, (pls if u've had patience reading thisfar, pls continue. It gets better) not the type of promise we hear every day, about how they'll *transform* OKOKOMAIKO to Manhattan in four days and then scream *TRANSFORMATION* at the end of the well, or not so well rehearsed speech. No not that type of mainstream promise, buh this time it was something a little bit different, some thing more believable, some-promise easier keep, in dignity and respect of sincerity, GEJ made the promise of "if iGet elected iWon't run for second term" this was in 2011 oooo, and for reasons unknown to all, we hurriedly believed him, SHAM!, he's was as usual, a ploy to get elected abi, and GBM on the other hand made a promise too " I won't contest again if am not elected in 2011" hmmmmmmm, who he trying to deceive or scare into voting for him, it's unimaginable what these politicians would say to get voted sha! And they manage to get away with it, because we Nigerians take sincerity with a pinch of salt, or even less. The "Goodluck Ebele *Azikiwe* Jonathan" campaign name really worked sha, to sway tribalistic Ibos like my Dad to vote for him, "it's better ur, brother dan an aboki" my Dad once said, even if the president Is bad, it's better to have a bad president hu's ur broda abi?...however, What iKnw right now is iLove Nigeria, and iAv not really decided who to vote for, because one will never truly understand politics until they understand that, politicians are really not trying to solve our problems, they are only trying to solve their own problems - of which getting elected and re-elected are number One and number Two, and number three will be getting set up for life, number four might also be, still holding nigeria(or anything ruled they for 8years, be it AbiaState or my village) to a ransom after 8years in office... Then again what their third -(to)- one million(th) reason for vying for office might be, is definitely up for debate. But am certain of Reason 1 and 2reasons. Please do Vote wisely, VoteNotFight, #LoveNigeria. #NaWeGetAm. #Election2015 am Chinyere Chukwuemeka Ugochukwu. Thank you.

What About Homosexual-ism in Naija.

 Top of the morning to you, TGIF. Hey, did I promise to blog more often and seriously this year? Hmmm, hope iDo keep my promise, am just a really lazy cat sha. Now let's talk about homosexually in naija, before I say anything, iKnw tons of ppple will like to comment buh, it turns out to be almost impossible to comment if u don't av a goggle± account, something we trying very hard to rectify. The topic of LGBT in Nigeria has always had the ability to raise unsettle-able any where the matter is being discussed, errybody is one way or the other, forced to concur with the idea that the homosexuality of "any man born of a woman" is nothing buh demonic,for the fear of being labelled *Homo*, if u actually suggest otherwise.
 What iThink about Gays, are plenty. Buh iAv to be sincere, not until iRead Chimamanda's article about the so called 14years Anti-Gay bill passed, iToo used to think like, *alll the gays in Nigeria are irritating and should be killed*, truth is, they are kinda irritating sha, especially the idea of them finding my ass sexy than that of Toolz' or Omotola's, hello!???? (Some will say iitks their Life to like what ever) buh not when it involves my ass. iCan deal with a homosexual buddy, who doesn't seem to be a treat to my nyash space. Like iHave confessed b4, Chimamanda Adichie, as a writer, has a very strong hold on me. iRead her pieces and immediately see sense in what iThought was total BS, iKnw it sounds stupid, buh if she one day woke up and write about Jesus Christ being a mere fiction, iJust might believe, or then again... That will be what would break her strong literary hold over me. My point is, we are new to this *homo* business in Naija, why are we so eager to send them to a 14year honeymoon in Kirikiri, because of a truth, they really a going on honeymoon, where they'll find cute guyz like them to "stick it to"... Note that iDon't hate Gays, don't love them either, but what iHate is the fact that, they think they can walk upto a straight a nigga and lite up a gay fire, they shuld av something like a code of identity between dem selves... So dat dem go knw hu to chyke and hu not to chyke... Straight and Gay can live in peace as far as nobody is invading nobody's ass space.
  Finally, let the love flow, pls pple shuld realized that,some other pple were jus not born the way the rest of us were, thank goodness that my Homo-toaster no dey text me again, and for all the LGBT pple in the house, pls and pls, mind the way u walk up to straight pple, to chyke them. No matter how bleached ur LGTB face might be, it can't make me find a guyz ass sexy,(unless the guy looks like Toolz). iLove y*ll, buh iLike gals-gals (in YQ's voice). Let's be Less homophobic till we are totally non-homophobic...
   For pple hu will say am homophobic with this my write up... What can iSay, *hand on my chest* ipromise to be less homophobic on my next article about LGBT, and for those who didn't get what I've being saying since... Try again later... CiD.

What About Homosexual-ism in Naija.

 Top of the morning to you, TGIF. Hey, did I promise to blog more often and seriously this year? Hmmm, hope iDo keep my promise, am just a really lazy cat sha. Now let's talk about homosexually in naija, before I say anything, iKnw tons of ppple will like to comment buh, it turns out to be almost impossible to comment if u don't av a goggle± account, something we trying very hard to rectify. The topic of LGBT in Nigeria has always had the ability to raise unsettle-able any where the matter is being discussed, errybody is one way or the other, forced to concur with the idea that the homosexuality of "any man born of a woman" is nothing buh demonic,for the fear of being labelled *Homo*, if u actually suggest otherwise.
 What iThink about Gays, are plenty. Buh iAv to be sincere, not until iRead Chimamanda's article about the so called 14years Anti-Gay bill passed, iToo used to think like, *alll the gays in Nigeria are irritating and should be killed*, truth is, they are kinda irritating sha, especially the idea of them finding my ass sexy than that of Toolz' or Omotola's, hello!???? (Some will say iitks their Life to like what ever) buh not when it involves my ass. iCan deal with a homosexual buddy, who doesn't seem to be a treat to my nyash space. Like iHave confessed b4, Chimamanda Adichie, as a writer, has a very strong hold on me. iRead her pieces and immediately see sense in what iThought was total BS, iKnw it sounds stupid, buh if she one day woke up and write about Jesus Christ being a mere fiction, iJust might believe, or then again... That will be what would break her strong literary hold over me. My point is, we are new to this *homo* business in Naija, why are we so eager to send them to a 14year honeymoon in Kirikiri, because of a truth, they really a going on honeymoon, where they'll find cute guyz like them to "stick it to"... Note that iDon't hate Gays, don't love them either, but what iHate is the fact that, they think they can walk upto a straight a nigga and lite up a gay fire, they shuld av something like a code of identity between dem selves... So dat dem go knw hu to chyke and hu not to chyke... Straight and Gay can live in peace as far as nobody is invading nobody's ass space.
  Finally, let the love flow, pls pple shuld realized that,some other pple were jus not born the way the rest of us were, thank goodness that my Homo-toaster no dey text me again, and for all the LGBT pple in the house, pls and pls, mind the way u walk up to straight pple, to chyke them. No matter how bleached ur LGTB face might be, it can't make me find a guyz ass sexy,(unless the guy looks like Toolz). iLove y*ll, buh iLike gals-gals (in YQ's voice). Let's be Less homophobic till we are totally non-homophobic...
   For pple hu will say am homophobic with this my write up... What can iSay, *hand on my chest* ipromise to be less homophobic on my next article about LGBT, and for those who didn't get what I've being saying since... Try again later... CiD.

Ever being hit on by a Gay guy.

Today, makes it the fourth time, I'm being hit on by a guy... Itks totally ewww, imust confess, ikinda like the attention sha... The thought of me being hot enuf for someone to walk up to and say hi.. Is jus #awe. iforbid my self to even flirt harmlessly with this gay guy... Hw it all started sef... iWas busy buying my sef a wallet ooo, den the colour confused nigga came along to buy some tin too, like two polite nigerian strangers, a conversation was born out of nothing... And it lead to him grabbing my phone and squeezing my phone number out.. The normal *guy chyking a gal way* , immediately he walked away from me, his steps were ringing *am gay* *am gay* *am gay*... Then the chatting started. Presebtly am supposed to be in Nourisha,hanging out with a yellow(thanks to numerous creams) gay guy.... Hope this story doesn't end with an expanded ass hole... Buh the good side is this... #AmSexy... All my working out not in vain... *wink*    

Happy new year

 It's was a beautiful new year's day celebration, some where in the family. Compound of Ezi Ekpe-nta, Ndoro Oboro, Abia state... iHad the best new year's day celebration, ever! Thnaks to family and friends, pple iNever thought would play any part my 2015...
  After the holidays., which for me, ended on sunday... Which was my lil sis' 17th birthday (HBD maami,iLove u). Am back to my life in awka... And as usual filled with enormous dreams for the year 2015.. iDidn't blog, since 2014's xmas day .. For that am sorry... My village had network for only making calls... MTN no do us well. Buh Nepa, or is is EEDC did us well tru out our stay sha... And am grateful.
 Jus wanted to tell all of y*al that missed me, that, am back to the blogsphere... And this year on MrChinyere'sJournal will be magical...#StayWithMe. Happy New Year. CiD. #finally20