Hmmmm, mushy topic right? You can say that again,iWas thinking today about what to write, and was torn between writing about "K" or about "N" buh, N won sha... Thanks to Chimamanda's Americanah! One thing about Chimamanda's writing is that, she always knows how to get to me, me particularly, she pulls me out of my shell and drops me in the shoes of who ever she wishes to drop me, iRespect her so much, especially as a writer, dats why she manages to make me to re-consider my firm-est of believes with her writings.
I started reading #Americanah yesterday evening, suprisingly enough, Amanda has managed to quicken a question in my heart about, what LOVE, really is ... This question didn't start today ooo, it has long being in my heart, unanswered, until recently, an ex- (ex might mean a number of things oo) of mine, after leaving me and going back to her former boyfriend, gave me the exact answers. In her words, " true love never dies, what dies is infatuation" . Bang!!! The nail one the head, she was correct, she didn't only explain why she had to leave me for her Ex, she also told me why ineeded to find love,all in those words, coz what we had @the time was far from Love... Being friends was jus better.
Buh then again, when iThought I've solved the puzzle of #Love in my heart, and, I've started brewing the not-so- lost affections for my Eternal Muse, then Chimamanda come enter my head with her book, and questioned what iThought to be love for "N". Let's talk a lil bout "n" and why ithink iLove her.. First of all, she's beautiful, and iDon't even take a liking to any gal, if she's not @ first pretty, and ihad a tin for her long time ago, something, ithought. Iwas over, until iHeard her voice again... Much after we had one big stupid fight.... iCall her "my eternal muse" bcos, right now, she's the only thing, the only subject, the only person that my creative fire can lite up for! This might not mean anything to u, jus reading it.... Buh iParticularly write poems, and my best poem so far, in my history as a poet, was about "N". Titled "My Eternal Muse". And ever since we were cut in communication, iHardly, or almost never, wrote a single piece, until she came back... I, now , never like b4, have being able to tell my self on countless times dat ilove that lady... Buh does she love me? That av not being able to tell... Never I've ibeen able to tell if she loves me half as much as ido for her... Well that is not the case... The case now is... If iDo reallly love her, or if what ifeel is infatuation,,, from my ex' definition, the only difference between Love an Infatuation. Is time... Buh Amanda, in her book Amercanah, painted love, like av never since or felt before, which prompts me to ask if ireally am capable of loving anybody besides my self.... Am iCapable of nothing but infatuation? can I only really love myself? Do iknw how to love sef? What does it take... #puzzuled like neva b4.... Question dat might neva get answers.
Buh one thing is certain, if idon't knw how to love one gal, and make her love me, iknw for sure that iLove u, that jus read this post... And that will read tomorrow's post... Maybe, jus maybe sticking together is, what real love, jus really is... Well hw can I knw.. Am not the expert... Try read Chimamanda's Americanah, and her other nooks, u'll love her...just like me...
As always am... CiD, #cameINdecember #DecmberBorn.. iCID30( I came in december 30) ...HappyNewYear
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